Let's take this a step at a time... I'll update my answer in response to your updates.
1) What OS are you running? Win Server 2003
2) Have you tried the things other posters have mentioned? Make the file with just
phpinfo();
?>
Do you get any output? If not, it would seem PHP or, more likely, Apache is misconfigured and isn't parsing PHP files.
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As for the complaints, I'll address them with my own opinions, but I'm not trying to start an argument.
First, it's not fair to equate all of open source to one product. If there was one man who was REALLY stupid, is it then a safe assumption that all men are REALLY stupid? I should think not. (Though some women will likely debate this, lol, it's not an assumption that logically follows, even if it's true.)
Second, I respectfully disagree that they are "forcing" PHP5 upon us. If PHP4 failed to work 6 months after PHP5 was released, that would be "forcing." PHP4 has continually been supported since PHP5's release OVER 3 YEARS AGO. They are giving us fair warning that they will stop supporting it a year from now, exactly 4 years since PHP5 was released. To use your comparison, will Windows XP still be getting updates in 2011?
Lastly, why do you think PHP5 sucks? As far as I'm concerned, there are a lot of major improvements in PHP5 over PHP4, but nothing that's worse. I'm not really saying you're wrong on this one, but I'm interested in why you find PHP5 to suck.
By the way, I don't see why PHP5 is "more complicated." Maybe because some libraries utilize objects? Everything in PHP5 otherwise works pretty much identically to PHP4. Most PHP4 code should run the same in PHP5, given the same server/environment settings.